Offenses happen. Because even born-again Christians still have a fallen sinful nature (the flesh), and sometimes choose to live according to the flesh instead of according to the Spirit, they do things that are not nice. Whether intentional or not they can cause us pain, discomfort, and sorrow; especially if we see a brother or sister living in sin. It offends us.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:23-26, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”
If I become aware of having done something improper or sinful that harmed another, I need to make it right, and I need to make it right at the earliest possible opportunity. I need to go to the one that I have offended and repent, asking their forgiveness.
Sometimes we are offended because we look down on others because they are different then ourselves. Perhaps they look different, or they talk different, or they act different. Sometimes when we think more highly of ourselves than we ought to, in our minds we set ourselves up as the gold standard, and we become critical of anyone that does not measure up to what we think we are.
Luke 6:37-45 reminds us, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over—will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
“He also told them a parable: ‘Can the blind guide the blind? Won’t they both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.’
“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but don’t notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself don’t see the log in your eye? Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck in your brother’s eye.
“A good tree doesn’t produce bad fruit; on the other hand, a bad tree doesn’t produce good fruit. For each tree is known by its own fruit. Figs aren’t gathered from thornbushes, or grapes picked from a bramble bush. A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.”
Maybe we are not as awesome as we think we are. Maybe our perception of things is skewed because of our sins. Perhaps we need to remove the log from our own eye, before we attempt to remove the splinter from our brother’s eye.
Psalm 4:4 says, “Be angry and do not sin, on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still.” Perhaps we should occasionally look away unto Jesus, viewing Him as our gold standard, and reflect on how far short we come of measuring up to the fullness of God that is in Him. Perhaps the humility that would result from making a regular practice of looking away to Jesus would enable us to look at our brothers and sisters in Christ in a more understanding way, and maybe be a little less critical of them.
Whatever the cause, we have many opportunities to be offended. The important thing is how we react when we are offended. Perhaps the first thing we should do when we are offended is to ask ourselves, “Did that person really do something that justifies my being upset, or is my perception of them and what they did a little skewed?” Do I need to remove the log from my own eye before I can see clearly enough to help my brother or sister remove the speck from their eye?
I believe we can find the answer to this question only by looking away to Jesus and reflecting on Him, and how we measure up to the measure of the fullness of God in Him. As we calm ourselves down, as we simply “be still” in His presence, He will begin to search our own heart and reveal the truth to us. At this point, it is important to humble ourselves and listen to His speaking. We may find that the need for repentance is in our own heart.
I Peter 5:5-11 encourages us saying, “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
If it turns out that we are truly justified in being offended by our brother’s or sister’s sin, at least now we will be able to go to them with a more gentle, humble, and understanding spirit. Matthew 18:15-17 says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
When we go to them, we need to remember that our purpose is to restore them to fellowship, to save them from falling away from the grace of God, and not to make ourselves look good. We want to go to them with a desire to maintain the unity of the Spirit, the oneness of the body which Christ died for.
The most critical factor in dealing with any offense is time. We must be diligent to deal with any offense at the earliest possible opportunity. We do not want to give any opportunity to the devil to destroy our fellowship with other believers or our fellowship with God. We must not let the sun go down on our anger.
Ephesians 4:25-32 instructs us, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
This is especially true when the offense is between a husband and a wife. When two people live so closely together, when they spend so much time together, offenses are bound to happen. In order that we do not become bitter toward one another, it is important that things that could potentially divide are dealt with quickly, with humility and grace, freely repenting, forgiving and restoring fellowship. Our marriages and our families, as well as the health of the church itself, depend on resolving offenses quickly.
Hebrews 12:14-17 says, “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done.”
In every relationship, it is important to keep things in perspective. I need to remember how great a debt Christ has forgiven me. This will help give me a proper perspective of the seriousness of my brother’s offense and my need to forgive him.
Matthew 18:21-35 continues, “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
It is extremely important that I keep in mind, if I do not forgive my brother from my heart, totally, completely; my heavenly Father will not forgive me. This is an incredibly high price to pay for holding a grudge, for refusing to forgive. If the offending, sinning, brother refuses to repent, I must not offer him forgiveness until he repents. However, for my own wellbeing, I must immediately forgive him from my heart to prevent bitterness from taking root in my own heart, and then forgive him from my mouth as soon as he repents.
When I refuse to forgive, I am giving opportunity for the devil to turn the small offense in to a mountain of bitterness. That bitterness, eventually, if not dealt with will harden my own heart, and will defile many others.
I must forgive quickly, completely and from the heart, humbling myself, that I may receive fully and freely of God’s grace and be restored to fellowship with Him and with all the saints.
How is it with you? Is your conscience clear of any offence with God or man? It is important that we always keep a clear conscience.
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